out with the old. in with the new.

Here I am once again, ranting.
Missed it? I didn't.

Here, right now, I feel like the worst person ever:
-I'm bad at most things.
-I look and act like an idiot.
-I don't know when to stop.
-I take take take take take take, but never give.
-I 'force my opinions' on everyone.
-I'm unreliable.
-The way I beat myself up also pisses people off.

God. Here's two good things about me:
-My handwriting. (maybe not even this)
-My skills at SSBB.

Pretty pathetic eh? Invader of space. Chained weight and parasite.
Pity-seeker so much that I've been given up on. You just can't take it anymore.
I want to feel wanted. It used to work.
Now a little joke about anything gets a 'fine' or a 'whatever' or an 'ok' or an 'i don't care'.

You leave.
I follow.
I leave.
You turn a blind eye and walk away.

I don't want the choice.
My choice is what makes you happy.
I just never want to do otherwise.
You have my dignity, pride and power.
The woman has it.

I try to have a bad mood.
This makes you mad.
I just flip right around and chase after you and try my best to make you happy.
Because, unlike you, I can't stand to be apart.

You are my better.
I'm only for small doses.
On the other hand, I want you all the time.

I'm not one you turn to.
I don't give the answers/reactions you desire.
Leave me or show me that I'm needed.

There are other people, amazing-er than me, who just make you smile so much. They are me with about 120% more to offer. I'm a ghost who just subtly follows and peeves. I sure hope it isn't a trend. Out with the old. In with the new. Again it brings to my timeless theory "Meeting me is great fun. Knowing me sucks.". Yes, I know you'll hate me for saying these things, petty jealousy. Face it, it's me.

Then I think, you have more than a valid reason to be like that. And there I go again, hating myself for feeling sorry for myself and not you.

Seriously, you can make me feel the worst.
To you and anyone who reads this, I am that pathetic. I know half of this is untrue but it is the way it seems to me now without your input.

But no matter what, at the end of the day, you're always bringin' me back to you. Just call my name. And I couldn't fit in a million blog posts, all the things you do that make me smile and how much you mean to me. I've even resorted to cliché. Even when I'm sitting around wallowing in the negative, you can pull me from the rough with but three simple words. And the feelings more than mutual. I love you, unbelievably much more than ever before.

That's my twenty-two cents on that.

_________________________________________________
I've opened mine. Now you open your heart.